Let’s face it; keeping the sizzle with your partner can get overshadowed by life in general. And yet, that’s what part of what we fell in love with. If you want to rekindle those feelings use these five tips to get that lovin feeling back.

1.) How often do you compliment your partner? Or notice when he/she does something for you without being asked?

• We all like to be appreciated. Too often in relationships, we get used to our partners doing things and we slack off showing them how much it means to us or makes our lives just a little bit easier.
• When your partner does something for you, even if it’s to take out the garbage…..tell them how thoughtful it is of them.

2.) Make love more often! That’s right…..I said make love more often.

• For women, the act of lovemaking lets us feel loved and cherished.
• For men, it takes the act of lovemaking for them to express love and be able to be vulnerable.
• Make sure you make time for sex and lovemaking….even if you have to schedule it.
• Sunday mornings are a great time for “lying in” as the Brits would say and enjoying a leisurely morning of lovemaking.
• Create a ritual of it with lovemaking, breakfast in bed, reading the paper or cuddling for a while.

3.) Instead of getting upset over your partner’s idiosyncrasies, go back and remember how interesting or endearing those unique traits were when you first met. Letting our partners know that their quirks and crazy habits are part of why we love them can work wonders.

• The next time your partner does one of those quirky things, give then a kiss or a hug, telling them how much you love it.
• We all want to be accepted for who and how we are. Let your partner know that you love them with all their zany habits.

4.) Let out your inner sex kitten or Don Juan. It’s not only good for your soul but your love life as well.

• Set up a special date and spend the night at a luxurious hotel.
• Go out to a romantic night of dining and dancing.
• If you’re a woman, surprise your partner by wearing the sexiest dress you can find. Make it one you would probably never wear before. Add super high heels and for extra punch, wear a wig in a style and color completely different than your real hair.
• If you’re a man, dress up if you usually dress casual and vice versa. Or dress in a way that you’d really like to but have never had the courage. Imagine you are Don Juan and treat your woman accordingly.
• Eat chocolates, drink champagne and take a bubble bath together.
• Play!!

4.) Remember to listen when your partner speaks. Not paying attention or ignoring someone leads to feeling of invalidation on their part. After awhile, they are left feeling unloved.

• If you get home and your partner starts in on their day before you’ve had a second to wind down, ask for a time out. Being honest about the need to relax without dealing with anything is better than tuning out your partner.
• Remember….some people like lots of details and others can’t handle them. Pay attention to which you are and which way your partner is. Then both of you need to honor those differences. Just being aware of it can generate change.

5.) Create a safe environment within your marriage. Your partner is not your enemy so develop some “rules” for disagreements.

• No name calling or foul language
• No physical, mental or emotional abuse
• No idle threats of leaving or divorce. If you’re at that place in the relationship, you need to see a lawyer.
• Let the other person speak and listen to them.
• Give each person a chance to speak and be heard
• Pick your battles carefully….sometimes you’re just in a bad mood. Ask yourself if it’s worth it?

It takes time and effort to keep the fires stoked in a relationship. If we just coast along, we can end up with two people who don’t know each other anymore.

You got together because you found each other wonderful, irresistible and loveable. Those feelings can be rekindled with some attention and effort.

It’s so worth it to have that special other in your life. To have someone there for you and on your side.

Whatever it takes, it can make all the difference in the world.