There’s an old saying that you can pick your friends but not your family. This seems particularly true around the holidays.
As a Life Change Catalyst™ I see clients every year stressing over how to deal with the relatives during this season. For many, it’s a time of celebration and a time of dread. But, it can be better by following a few tips for handling specific types:
The Drama Queen
We’re all more alike than you might realize. We want love, attention and respect. Which is usually what the Drama Queen is after. Unfortunately, she will suck the energy right out of you. Your best option is to never ask how she’s feeling about anything. If she still pulls the diva act, listen for a few minutes and politely excuse yourself by pointing out that you appreciate her pain but you’ve got to (go to the bathroom, help in the kitchen, check on your children). Then LEAVE!
The Nosy Inquisitor
These guys are my favorites. For some reason they feel it’s okay to ask the most personal questions. Questions like: Married yet? When are we going to hear the sound of little feet? What, you still haven’t found a job? You’re not going to eat that are you?
The best response I’ve ever seen is to look them directly in the eye and very calmly say, “I’m sorry. What did you ask me? I must have heard that incorrectly.” If they repeat it, again, calmly say “What, you asked me what?” You must say this with a straight face and no anger. Odds are they will get how rude they are or be too embarrassed to repeat it.
The Uncle with Loose Hands
You know this guy. His hugs are a little too long. He always wants to kiss you on the lips. And he won’t keep his hands from straying. What to do? You don’t want to make a scene but you want him to stop.
The best way to handle this guy is to loudly, without anger, point it out. Say something like, “Uncle Bob, I save those kind of kisses for my husband, my boyfriend, my _______!” “Uncle Bob, you’re crushing me!” “Uncle Bob, did you mean to put your hand on my breast?”
Instead of worrying about saving his face, lay it out. I’m sure you won’t be the only women he’s tried this with. As long as you do it without anger or throwing a scene, you can put a stop to his antics and keep the peace.
The Know it All
Just remember with this person…..they have a need to be right. It’s not all about showing you up. They need something to boost their ego and self worth.
The easiest way to handle this one is to give them what they want: agree with them. When they begin to tell you how to do something better, just respond with that they are probably right but this time you want to try it a different way. It’s more adventurous. Even if they argue, hold to the story and remember it’s not about you. It’s their need to feel good about themselves.
The Downer
Whenever I’m around the “downer” person I always think of the Charles Shultz character “Pig Pen”. Everywhere he went, he carried a cloud of dirt over this head and left dirt behind him. This is like the downer. They spread their negative energy wherever they go.
Your task is to avoid starting conversations with asking “how” something is/was. Instead ask what he or she liked best. If you get caught in the depressing tales of woe, chime in telling them you’ve been reading these great self help books on how gratitude and positive thinking helps us get through rough times.
One thing to remember is that it’s temporary. And hopefully, at least on some level, you do love these people. And most importantly……you teach people how to treat you.
Happy holidays and may all your get-togethers be joyful.