Monthly Archives: May 2010

Getting Through

Allowing for Failure

Whenever we begin a new endeavor or project, one of the first things that come up in the minds of most people is the fear of failing. This probably stops more people from doing things they’d like to try than anything else. After all, we are programmed from an early age that to fail is a bad thing. We are “bad” boys and girls if we don’t get the A in school. Or we’re stupid, clumsy, lazy, a flunky, a _______ (insert the word of choice) if we don’t do as well as someone else thinks or wants us to do.

It’s no wonder by the time we reach our teens or earlier, failure is a big fear for us.

What they don’t tell us is that failure is only feedback. It just means that we need to adjust the course. To do something different. We used to have a saying back in the south where I grew up—“There’s more than one way to skin a cat”. Not a very pretty saying but it sure gets the message across.

There’s always more than one way to do something. Maybe we just haven’t found it yet. And if we give up, we’ll never discover it.

The Navaho have a wonderful tradition when weaving their rugs. They know that we aren’t perfect beings so to leave room for God (Spirit’s) perfection they deliberately leave an imperfection in their work. On a rug it’s called a “Spirit String” and if on beadwork, it might be a bead in the wrong place. This allows Spirit to be a part of their work.

Although we aren’t perfect, we often seem to think we have to be. For many this can be a deeper issue of not believing they are worthy or maybe they are “less than”. These limiting beliefs keep us in a failure loop that plays out over and over in our lives. Most of these beliefs get created when we are children and take on what others say about us. Unfortunately, they’re much easier to create than to let go of.

If you feel like you’re carrying a limiting belief about your ability to be successful, here is one technique sure to help:

1.     Identify the belief you’re carrying.
2.  Notice how it makes you feel and where in your body you’re feeling it.
3.    Ask yourself: When did I develop this belief?
4.    Also ask yourself: Who was involved in the development of it and what was going on at the time?
5.    Now imagine that you can position yourself so that you are an observer of what is taking place.
6.    Notice who is doing the talking and what is being said.
7.    Notice how you are taking on this belief and whether it’s even valid at the time.
8.    Ask yourself these questions while at the “observer” position.
9.    Does this belief belong to me or am I just taking on someone else’s belief?
10.  Is the belief even true?
11. Is there a valid reason for this belief?
12.  What do I really believe about this and myself?
13.  By this time you should begin to notice differences in how your body feels compared to how it originally felt.
14.  Now, imagine you can take the new belief you have about yourself and play out 3 events in the future where you actualize that new belief and notice how different it is     for you.

So the next time you stop yourself from doing something for fear of failure, think about it as feedback, check for a Limiting Belief and remember: always co-create with Spirit. After all, we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.

If you need more help or feel this is a bigger issue, then why not check out Breaking the Abuse Cycle™ workshop coming up next month. Go to: http://www.debrafentress.com/breakingthecycle.html

Change

Patterns Of Behavior

Regardless of how enlightened and knowledgeable we may think we are…. Or how many self-help books and gurus we seek, there will always come a time when we get stuck in repeating patterns of behavior.

No one is immune from it. Many of my clients are under the false assumption that if they come in and do some work with me that their lives are “fixed”. If only this were true. I’ve always said that I’d be a billionaire if I just had that magic wand.

Life is a journey we start the minute we come into this world (and some believe even before). And like many journeys, we often have to go around obstacles or climb some mountains. In my mind, I think the path to enlightenment is similar to climbing a mountain where the road goes around and around as you go up the mountain. There will be times when the road levels out and we can take a breather. Then the climb starts as we go around the other side and we’ve got to work at it again.

At some point, we can get where we seem to be going around and around, not really getting anywhere. Just recently I found myself repeating a pattern that I wrote of on my other blog http://www.MagicMiraclesandMystery.com.

One of the most insidious patterns of behavior we can do is to be co-dependent with another person or even a behavior. As I spoke of in the other blog post, I think for many in my profession, this is something we have to watch out for. Just recently, I found myself overlooking obvious signs and making excuses for someone. I even went out of my way to be sure that I was being fair and reasonable to my own detriment.

When I realized how “unconscious” I was being, it shocked me. Here I was doing the very things I harp on students and clients about! We all need to Wake Up!

Co-dependency is a sneaky habit. It can show up in so many different ways. There are the most obvious ones where a person is codependent with an alcoholic or drug abuser. But the codependent person can also end up anesthetizing their pain with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work, gambling and even computer games.

Then there are the less obvious ones. Another common one is getting hooked on misery or being a victim. And why not? You get a lot of attention when people feel sorry for you. And you have an excuse for not doing things.

What about not taking care of yourself or your needs? That’s a common one and hard to identify because we don’t want to appear selfish or needy.

In the field of service, many will be obsessed with the pain and suffering of their clients….sometimes more so than the client. They get to sacrifice themselves in this way. This can lead to being a martyr or a rescuer which is another form of codependency.

It’s sneaky. You can find yourself down this path before you realize it. But, not all is lost. The crucial element is to be on the alert for it if this is one of your patterns. The other is to get in touch with your anger about it…..because it will most likely be there. We can be angry at ourselves and at the other person or situation. Use the anger to motivate you to do something. Once you’re ready to move out of the relationship, then it’s time to figure out what got you there in the first place.

Most of us are just running neural pathways we created early on in our lives. At a young age, if we think something often enough, it becomes a neural pathway. At birth we have 100 billion neurons which form trillions of connection resulting in a network of neural pathways. Those that aren’t used often enough are eliminated or “pruned” from the pathway. But the rest can be involved in creating our behaviors.

Research has shown that the brain is very plastic and can be restructured or rewired. We can do this by thinking differently over and over. This requires great diligence and perseverance as it takes up to 21 days to create a new pathway.

When I began my work with Neuro Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis, I wanted to find a way to deal with these repetitive behaviors caused by the pathways. After seeing 100s of clients and trying many different approaches, I finally came up with a process which has proven to be effective in restructuring these neuro pathways. I’ve used it with clients who wanted to get out of damaging relationships, to stop drinking or using drugs, stop gambling, with bulimia and any number of habitual behaviors. And there are now people in Europe trained in the process who are not only utilizing it with these behaviors but with PTSD and MS.

And it has worked. I still get feedback from clients I worked with years ago telling me how their lives have changed.

So, it is doable. Just know that life is a journey of lessons. We learn and we go on with that knowledge. And then there is something else to learn. When you’re done with your learning’s then you’ll go Poof!

If you’re interested in the process you can find out more at http://www.NeuralPathwayRestructuring.com. And if you are finding yourself repeating self sabotaging behaviors, we do have a workshop coming up to address that issue. It’s called Breaking the Cycle™ on June 12 & 13. To sign up or find out more, go to http://www.debrafentress.com/breakingthecycle.html.

Change, Getting Through

Welcome to the Life Change Catalyst Blog!

I know with all that’s happened in the last year many people are feeling stuck and worried about the future. And for some, it’s been a banner year.

What’s the difference?

How each one of us perceives things!

It’s our choice whether we give up, hang our heads and spout doom and gloom. And it’s our choice if we look at what’s happening in our lives and take the opportunity to figure out where we need to make the necessary changes. For many people, the changes in their lives have caused massive shifts which have been for the better. It might not have looked that way all the time but in the final analysis, they came out ahead.

One of our studentsI’m challenging all my readers to make the rest of 2010 the best part of the year! Make the decision and set the intention that whatever challenges you’re facing, you will discover the “silver lining.  It’s said that within every problem lies the solution…..if we just look for it.

In these blog posts, I’ll be writing about different ways you can make this your best year ever. Plus, we’ll post your success stories as you make the changes. Big or small, just write in and let us all know what you’ve done to improve your life.

If you’d like some help to take on this challenge, we’ve got several things to offer.

For those of you who want to work on specific issues in a private setting, there is always one on one coaching. I can be reached at debra@DebraFentress.com to explore this option.

 If you’d like to make some changes in a few days, there are several workshops coming up:

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What if you healed your past so it no longer affected you, altered your beliefs about yourself and could create your life the way you want? For many, it takes a life threatening disease or an accident to get them to change the way they’re doing things. But it doesn’t’ have to be that way! You can take the steps toward living the life your heart desires. Check out the Breaking the Cycle™ workshop on June 12 & 13. We’re extending the Special Pricing until May 28th to celebrate the new blog. To get in for $195.00 rather than $245.00 call me at 818-422-2474

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Want to find your purpose and reason for being here? On July 17 & 18, we have the workshop Soul Song™ Living Your Soul’s Purpose. Interested? Go to http://www.spiritsmuse.com/soulsong.html

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Want to understand how you create your behaviors and learn how to re-program the software of your mind for success. Neuro Linguistic Programming (N.L.P.)  is the art and science of modeling excellence in successful people and then reproducing that success. Learn how to create rapid, lasting change in your life or the lives of others.

N.L.P. w/Spirit© is a marriage of the latest advances in mind discoveries, quantum physics and the ancient knowledge of spirit and energy. Leaving out any one of these leaves the student or client unbalanced.

Whether you’re looking to learn more about yourselfr or for a new career, N.L.P. w/Spirit© is an opportunity for you to take your life to a whole new level. We’re running the training over a series of 5 weekends, once a month. To discover more go to: http://www.debrafentress.com/practitioner.html

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Whatever route you choose to make this your Best Year Ever, remember to Make a Decision, Have an Intention and Take Action!

Love and light, Debra